


playing the fool

by invertedrainbow



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Actor AU, M/M, drama and shit, how does wanking off at another person's bed sound, slight voyeurism at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 13:39:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2549525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invertedrainbow/pseuds/invertedrainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Burnie Burns, an actor who's more into series, gets into a movie project with Joel Heyman, an actor known for his scandals and good filmography. Of course, nothing is ever the same.</p><p>a.k.a. the actor au where they turn from complete strangers to the "married couple" of hollywood</p>
            </blockquote>





	playing the fool

**Author's Note:**

> whooping 19.8k words? i cannot believe
> 
> this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine but i will get into it once i get a proper internet connection
> 
> i just want this off my hands rn because im tired of seeing this chunk of text is2g
> 
> anyway, enjoy ;>

He gets the call in the middle of the shoot, so naturally, he isn’t able to answer. Their director has a strict “no private phones on the set” policy, so his phone is tucked in neatly in his duffel bag, where his change of clothes is found.

Upon seeing the message left by the caller, Burnie immediately calls back.

“Hey Matt? Yeah, it’s me. Coffee sounds great right now. Hmm? Just got off a shoot, about to drive downtown,” And in cue, he opens his car and lodges his bag and script on the passenger’s seat. He fumbles with the key for a while before realizing that starting a car isn’t exactly a one-handed job, so he rests his phone between his ear and shoulder. “We can talk to that weird coffee shop you like so much. What? It is, you dork.”

To say that he is looking forward to meeting Matt is an understatement, because this probably is the first time he’s going out in a long, long while. As much as he would have wanted to get a drink here and there, the publicist of the show decides against it, and he has no power to fight against it, really. His co-stars are complete saints, so he figures he should act like one too. If the show crumbles because of him, he doesn’t think his poor heart could take it.

Strictly friendly, the call was, of course. Matt Hullum has been a friend for ages, even before his acting gig started. He has always been insightful in terms of entertainment, so Burnie thinks that Matt being a director-producer is a great thing. So great, that Matt even hitches him up for projects even though he doesn’t have to.

They’ve always been good friends, but Burnie hates how he can’t make Matt stop. A part of him wants to think that Matt underestimates his talent in entirety, but a part of him begs to differ: he’s that good that Matt actually wants him in his projects. (He wants to think that it’s the latter, but in this field? Hardly correct.)

It takes him a while to park because of the traffic and that old guy who keeps on trying to parallel park his 4WD on a space for a fucking sedan, so by the time the old guys realizes his fault, Burnie’s patience is as its all time low, and coffee would be the only saviour to manage it well.

By the time he reaches the café, Matt is already lounging around with two drinks in front of him, and Burnie takes one of them and takes a long sip, even if it singes his tongue.

“Bad day?”

“You have no idea.”

“Let me cheer you up, then,” Matt says, pushing a thick script in front of him. Burnie stares for a solid five seconds before realizing what it is, to which Matt laughs. “Lead role. I want you in.”

“Dude, this is too much—“

“I want you in, Burns. I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Matt—“

“Burnie, I swear to god, if you still think I’m doing this out of friendship, then you could throw that idea out of your head,” Matt tells him, adjusting in his seat to get a more comfortable position. “The producers won’t take no for an answer, either. Believe me; those guys are demanding you in.”

“I…” Burnie knows that he should have looked ridiculous, the way he’s covering his mouth in shock, his glasses dangling awkwardly on his nose now. “I don’t know what to say…”

“A simple “thank you” will suffice,” Matt grins as he finally reaches for his coffee. “Also, tuck that in, will you? Wouldn’t want unsuspecting eyes to see our latest escapades.”

“Matt, you crazy bastard, you,” Burnie says when they shake hands in front of his car, his eyes bright and grin a little too contagious, because when Matt shakes his hand, he is smiling too, like they’re gonna be into deep shit. “Any pointers?”

“Muscle up, stay away from caffeine, and, oh,” Matt says before leaving. “You’re working with Joel Heyman.”

 

 

 

Joel Heyman is one of the highest paid actors in the industry right now.

He’s had his own share of controversies for the past decade, involving alcoholism, women and drugs, one of which proven and the others just rumors, but it has cost him more than enough. His image revolves around those things, even though the rumors are never addressed. He wears it with pride, though, and that’s as good as claiming that they’re all true.

He is a deity of some sort; people believe that all his movies turn out as blockbusters, reaching both target audience _and_ target market. He has this flair that people can’t get enough of; probably the pretty face and even prettier acting. He has been wanted by a lot of movie makers, and how Matt is able to get him is a goddamned miracle.

Matt works under Rooster Teeth, a company who has managed to release numerous hit movies; sadly, they’ve been under a funk lately. Three consecutive movies of theirs haven’t sold well, not because of the lack of publicity. They’ve been reaching their target audience just fine; the fans have been great all throughout and their response is great. The critics have been generous, too.

They just can’t reach their target market.

Once Burnie is settled in his condo, he flips through the script with not much interest. Having him as a lead actor with zero experience on movies is terribly risky, especially for a big company such as Rooster Teeth. The idea gives him an awful feeling in his stomach. His mind goes straight to worst case scenario and he formulates a theory.

With Joel Heyman in the picture, and Matt working under Rooster Teeth, it could only mean one thing: the producers are investing a lot on Joel, and the whole “producers want him in” thing Matt told him is just sealing a deal to have someone work with Joel Heyman on close proximity. (The guy isn’t exactly the epitome of friendliness in sets, or so the reports say.) Since Matt knows he couldn’t say no to him, he wanted him in it.

It sounds rational, at the time. So before he makes a hole in his stomach, he decides to take a quick shower, letting his mind wander on the idea of the movie. But the Joel Heyman thing continues to bug him, and will continue to until he talks to Matt again about it, so he rings Matt after a quick homemade dinner. He answers after the third ring, with much commotion in the background. Burnie sighs.

“Tell me the truth: did the producers really want me in or is that your grand white lie?” Burnie asks, setting aside the script so he could lie down without any distractions. At the end of the call, Matt sighs back at him, almost as audibly. “Don’t act like you’re the victim here, dumb-ass.”

“Burnie, you’re not backing out now, are you?”

“Just answer the question.”

He hears the noise die out and a door opening, so he figures Matt stepped out of the party he’s in. “The producers wanted Joel because the company has been in a terrible streak as of the late,” He explains, and Burnie closes his eyes. _Of course_ , he thinks. But Matt continues. “But when I said I wanted you in this movie, I meant that. There are two lead actors, and you fit the other one’s personality. You’ll relate to him perfectly.”

“You don’t have to sugar-coat it, man. I can take a hint.”

“But I’m not. Goddamnit Burns, I want you in this, you hear me? You can’t leave me with these idiotic monkeys,” Matt sounds frantic, stressed; Burnie knows how often this happens so he makes the most begrudging sound of caving in. “You’ll do it?”

“ _Yes_ , but you owe me big time. God.”

“I’ll tell you what,” Matt says, and Burnie could almost hear that grin plastered in his face for at least two hours. “Help me direct this thing.”

It makes him pause. The idea is so appealing: him, directing with Matt Hullum, one of the most famous directors right now, and the experience is going to be amazing. It has been one of his frustrations in life; since he isn’t a good-enough director, he lands in acting. He gets noticed in acting, so he pursues it.  An Emmy award, and an ongoing series after, he is being scouted for various movies, none of which appealed to him since he’s been doing TV shows his entire career.

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not much for jokes to be honest, Burns. I take my time very seriously.”

“You’re not kidding.”

“Nope,” and he enunciates the p with a little “pop”, his lips pressed together dramatically for it to sound out.  “Though I can’t put your name up in the credits, of course; they wouldn’t pay you for the extra service, but they’d appreciate all the help they could get.”

“I’ll do it,” Burnie breathes out. He is biting into his lower lip the whole time; the eager side of him showed, but he doesn’t care. It was a golden opportunity, and something as petty as insecurity wouldn’t stop him for this. “I’ll do it. I’d be dumb to say no.”

“Thanks man,” Matt lets out a sigh of relief. “You have _no_ idea how much this means to me.”

 _You too_ , Burnie thinks when Matt ends the call, and he reaches for the script for a real read-through.

 

 

 

It takes a lot of control to maintain his weight, and since he has about three to four months left for preparation, he knows that he cannot afford cheat days nor additional caffeine in his system. He almost gives up on it, of course; he runs mainly on coffee and decreasing its intake is taking its toll on him. Still, he thinks it’s timely because it is getting too cold in Austin and the exercise is a good way to keep him warm, though lethargy and laziness are catching up on him.

With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, he knows he could only give in to such sweet pleasures.

He also knows he should tell somebody about the movie at some point, but he couldn’t take the risk of putting the information in wrong hands. So he doesn’t tell anyone about it, as much as he would have wanted the attention. (Finally, somebody in the showbiz news that doesn’t involve any scandal or faux pregnancies or wardrobe malfunction! Something to be actually genuinely interested about!)

In the end, he keeps to himself as always and wonders if that’s the reason why no one’s genuinely interested with his lifestyle.

 

 

 

But by the time Thanksgiving is over, the rumors start to arise.

Apparently Black Friday isn’t the only commotion that happened that week, when Joel is seen with Matt in a savvy restaurant with what appears to be a script. It doesn’t make a lick of sense for people to hype it up when they didn’t do the same in Burnie’s case, but he knows it’s his jealousy talking now. (His name is thrown around often too, saying that he’ll be a part of the cast, along with Gus Sorola and Geoff Ramsey, of all the people.)

The movie gets hyped all around and Matt calls him at some point before Christmas to say, “Avoid the paparazzi.” He ends the call soon after he says that, and Burnie scrambles for the remote to turn the television on.

“—oel Heyman was spotted in the Republiq with Kara Eberle, known for her role in series RWBY. According to sources, they were last spotted in the VIP lounge in the party for the season finale of the show. Our resident bad boy has been linked to multiple actresses and models before, such as Barbara Dunkelman and Caiti Ward. He is also rumoured to be in an upcoming movie with Burnie Burns—“

 

 

 

The rumors get worse by each passing day, but he realizes none of them are proven. They throw around the word “sources” a lot but that could only mean much in an industry where lies are propagated as truths. Still, he continues his lifestyle and avoids the paparazzi at all cost, and even with his co-actors asking about it, he says nothing.

He thinks he’s being overprotective, but ultimately, it isn’t his place. He has never even met the guy before.

Yet it seems like life is in his favour and Matt calls the cast for a preliminary meeting. He calls it a mingling session; so everyone could get a vibe of each other’s personalities and take notes then. Burnie wears one of the spare suits he got for an awards ceremony, and notices how the sleeves are a little tight. He takes that as a compliment and drives to the hotel.

He arrives a little too early so he goes straight to the bar where a man with black, messy hair and glasses with the nameplate that says “Ray” is stood at the ready. He orders bourbon because he’s feeling festive, and the bartender pours and waits for his signal to stop. When the glass is half full, he halts him with his fingers.

“Ray, give me a glass of Jack, lay it easy on the ice.”

He turns to the direction where the voice is from and there stands a man who he highly suspects is Joel Heyman, with his sunglasses and ridiculously appealing suit. He slips his glasses off a bit with those slender fingers to wink at the bartender, who in turn rolls his eyes.

“I will drown your drink in ice water or so help me,” Ray warns when he reaches for the ice drawer, but his eyes are as kind as he could make them go. When the glass is half empty, Joel halts him. “How are you, Mr. Heyman? I’ve been seeing you in the news lately.”

“Ah, fuck, really?” Joel groans, messing up his hair even more. The bartender gives the drink with a devilish grin and Joel accepts it with an equally Burnie watches the exchange from a few feet away, sipping his bourbon with a soft smile. “What are they saying this time? I’m not even watching that shit anymore.”

“Something about fucking an actress or a model, god, I don’t know.”

“You just said you’ve been seeing me in the news. Ray, you’re a load of bullshit.”

“And you’re a fucking delight? Please.”

The conversation doesn’t go on further when Matt enters the area and spots Burnie first. They exchange embraces and smiles before Matt says, “Burnie, I’d like to introduce you to Joel Heyman.”

He forces out the smile he gave when they shake hands, and when Joel removes his glasses, it is the first time he sees his eyes. Joel gives him an equally fake smile, and he knows he’s just asking for a fight, but he is more than brute strength under his form, so he shrugs it off with a soft chuckle. Matt notices the tense air and grins at them both.

“Joel, you are as intimidating as ever,” Matt says, patting Joel’s back. “Don’t scare my actor away, damn you.”

“Worthy of the title, I could admit at least that.” There is an edge in his tone that Burnie finds hard to decipher, but if he is to act his way into a friendship with this guy, he should at least make it convincing. Joel laughs. “Matt, where the fuck did you find him?”

“College,” Matt answers.

Joel fakes a gasp and says, “Oh, you animal. You didn’t _scout_ him, did you?”

“Asshole, he’s my roommate in college,” Matt rolls his eyes and Burnie laughs, genuine this time. A few minutes of more fake interest over each other’s shows and Burnie is feeling ready to leave, but the dinner hasn’t even started yet and the cast has only settled in their seats. Matt is on the corner seat with Burnie to his right and Joel to his left, the rest of the cast seated anywhere they like. Kathleen Zuelch is beside Burnie, having known each other from a miniseries they worked on. Gus Sorola is beside Joel, while Griffon Ramsey is seated next to Gus. Her husband Geoff is seated in front of her and beside Kathleen.

By the time the appetizers are served, Matt stands up to propose a toast.

“First of all, thank you all so much for coming,” Matt says with a grin. “I know you all have your own shooting schedules right now, especially this guy,” He points at Burnie. “who is down to his fifth season, wow. That is amazing.” Everyone claps their hands and Kathleen gives Burnie’s shoulder a squeeze. “I called for this dinner date for everyone to know each other before filming. I’d like the movie to be as natural as possible, and as some of you might know, I’m keen on acting details. No pressure though.”

“’No pressure’ my ass,” Joel scoffs, and the rest laughs.

“Some might think that they’re here for favors,” Matt continues, eyeing Burnie shortly. “When I wrote this script, I already had a clear image of who I wanted in the cast. I don’t owe anyone anything, so I don’t need to hold anyone favors. It just so happened that some of you are my friends.”

He tries to be chatty after the whole speech, and having been able to meet Kathleen before, it is easy to pick up a conversation with her. At the back of his mind, he knows he could have introduced himself better to Joel, knowing that working in bad terms would endanger the movie as a whole, so he figures, after dinner he could invite the guy out for drinks. Knowing more about his co-lead actor would do so much for the movie itself, so he thinks he’s doing an act of charity.

“I know what you’re doing,” Joel tells him after asking. “I know this. You’re scared I’ll fuck this movie up, or maybe, fuck your chances up for an award or something.”

“I don’t—“ Burnie starts, because that is way off and he isn’t here because of Joel’s controversies, though he would be lying if it didn’t cross his mind. But it’s not why he’s asking and Joel is completely misunderstanding the whole thing and it’s fucking _annoying_.

“Well, let me assure you, Burnie, is it?” Joel says, leaning on the bar counter with his Jack in hand. “Let me assure you that whatever news you’re hearing about me is done by the company.” And Burnie thinks, _of course._ “Dude, calm your shit. You don’t need to force any kind of interaction with me until filming; I promise I won’t hold a grudge.”

“But that’s not why I’m inviting you—“

Joel downs the glass of Jack with a wince and says, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

With Joel walking out of the hotel, Burnie feels like a complete amateur then. Of course the company is propagating news to hype the movie! Any publicity is good publicity, whether good or bad, and Joel is a perfect publicity stunt, given his track record.

But something about Joel has interested Burnie in a deeper level and he wonders who the fuck this guy is, really.

 

 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me that he’s good?”

“What the fuck, Burnie?” Matt groans through the phone and Burnie hears some more shuffling before he gets another response. “What do you want? Jesus Christ, I just got in bed five minutes ago and I was falling asleep, goddamnit.”

“Matt, he’s good!”

“Who the fuck are you talking about?”

“Joel Heyman!”

Matt groans some more and Burnie imagines he manages to find a better position. “Is this what this call is all about? Again? Burnie, what the fuck, we talked about this! We had the whole dinner and everything!”

“No, no, Matt, you don’t understand,” He is obviously panicking, but for a very good reason. On his muted television, Joel – or Michael – gets closer to his leading lady’s personal space and makes her shiver down to her toes. It is one of his first movies – a romcom that involves optimistic storylines and his clean shaven face. The scene makes Burnie himself swoon and he argues that it’s what the movie is supposed to do, not because of the actor himself. “He is _good_ , I am mediocre at best, and you want me to act alongside him as a lead actor? Are you _out_ of your mind?”

“Burnie, it’s three in the morning, I’m drunk, and you are talking way too loud,” Matt says after a sigh. “Joel is human, much like yourself, and he is as prone to mistakes as you are. He is good, yes, and you are good as well, and you have nothing to worry about.”

“But he’s so good in every single movie he’s in.”

“You mean you watched every single one?” Matt asks, and when Burnie doesn’t answer out of embarrassment, he laughs. “You nerd. You have always been like this as long as I could remember, and that’s saying something. Aren’t you too old to be worried about this?”

“Aren’t I too old to be debuting in a film?”

“Doesn't matter as long as you deliver, right? Age is irrelevant in this business, and as long as you do as I directed you to do, you’ll do fine.”

Matt’s tone is reassuring, but with the soft static in his ears and the low hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen, he knows he has to say something because he been silent for too long. He knows he’s thinking too hard about this; too overwhelmed with Joel’s acting more than anything. In his television, he is leaning on the train window and looking so pained that he feels for him.

“I trust your ability and instincts, Burnie. This is why I chose you for this role. Remember your character?”

“Yeah?”

“Critical, pensive. The absolute opposite of Joel’s role, and for a reason: that guy just does whatever it is that looks good and he nails every time. There’s no assurance to that, but that recklessness is what I need from him. You? I need you to be as thoughtful about this role as you are in all your previous roles.” Matt tells him. Burnie is thumbing over the buttons of the remote, mainly the stop button. He thinks he should stop watching but there’s something that draws him in every time he sees Joel in frame. “I chose you for a reason, Burnie. And the sooner you believe in your abilities, the sooner it is that you’ll see how much you’re not showing to the world yet.”  He smiles to himself upon hearing those words. “Maybe this movie can help you change your outlook about yourself.”

 

 

 

What Burnie doesn’t know wouldn’t kill him, Matt figures, when he searches for Joel’s contact on his phone and gives it a ring. Knowing the guy’s erratic sleeping pattern, there is a big chance that the guy is still awake.

“Matt? What the—”

“Listen,” Matt instructs, and Joel falls silent. “I have a favour to ask you.”

“If it’s a sex scene, I’m totally down with it, but if it’s with a dude I might have to get back to you on that—“

“Oh my god you depraved lunatic,” Matt says with a laugh. “I’m gonna have to ask you to talk to Burnie.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“He’s a little too intimidated by your acting, and he’s having second thoughts about the whole thing,” Matt explains. On Joel’s side of the line, he mutes the reruns he is watching to focus on what Matt is telling him. “This guy thinks so highly of you that he left no love for himself or his craft.”

“And that’s my fault? Matt, I’m not here to babysit anyone—“

“Burnie’s a little… different, per se, from the rest of this industry.”

“Yeah right,” Joel chuckles. He is reminded of his rookie years and how the business demanded much from him. He has taken to heart every single bullshit that has happened all these years and has learned from it, knowing that he is dumb to let it happen again. “You can’t make me believe that there is someone in this wretched industry saner than you are.”

His phone beeps once to indicate that he has gotten a message, and Matt dares, “Try me.” Joel lets out a deeper sigh when Matt continues. “You’re the only one I know who’d fucking devotedly watch reruns when you can buy the show’s DVDs. Joel, stop being a fanboy. I know which series you’re watching, you know.”

When Matt ends the call, a number is on his message and it says _Call him._

 

 

 

By the time Burnie got off his shoot for the season finale, plans to drink out are made and he doesn’t have the heart to say no. The night is young and his co-actors are younger, and by the time they move into their third bar, Burnie is feeling warm and buzzed. He barely notices his phone vibrating in his pocket, and when he answers it, it is the least person he is expecting to call.

_“Hey, this is Burnie, right?”_

“Yes, why— Wait a minute— Joel? Wha— Wait, hang on.”

And Burnie excuses himself from his group to go to a quieter place, the bathroom being the closest. The lack of line surprises him but he remembers that he has someone on the line and he brings his phone back to his ear.

_“Some party you’ve got there.”_

“How did you get my number? Why are you calling?”

 _“All to be explained later,”_ Joel says and Burnie wishes he isn’t a little drunk so he’d stop thinking about what Joel is probably doing at the end of the line. Probably driving. _“Are you free? I’ve been meaning to take up that offer you had back then. I hope it’s still up for grabs.”_

He almost stutters on his words but he manages to keep himself calm. “No, no, of course. I’m with my co-actors but I’ve been meaning to leave anyway to go somewhere quieter—I think I am getting too old for clubs.”

 _“If you want we can go meet at that hotel where we had that dinner; the bar there is well stocked with well aged rum and mostly quiet patrons,”_ Joel proposes. _“Besides, the bartender’s cute.”_

Burnie ignores how his stomach burns at that last bit and says, “You might have to pick me up though. I’m a little buzzed.” He tells him where he is and he mentions that he’ll be waiting outside. “I’m gonna go and say goodbye to my friends, see you in a bit?”

 _“Definitely. Don’t sound like I’m gonna leave you for dead, Burns.”_ And the call ends with Joel’s laughter in his ears.

 

 

 

The cold chill of the night makes him realize how late it is and how sleepy he is. He grows wary of how old he is and gets into the mood he’s in last night, and he thinks, _how typical_. He wonders why he got roped into this industry in the first place when he is born an optimist and a believer of the truth. He wants to believe he has been loyal to his beliefs even after a decade.

He huddles into his coat tighter. It is the middle of December and there are Christmas lights _everywhere_. He feels alone now more than ever.

A black Porsche Panamera drives up the road and Joel is suddenly signalling him to hop in before any pap could recognize him, even with his shades on, and Burnie eases in the passenger seat with a pleased sigh. The heater is cranked up and Burnie feels incredibly toasty.

“Driving at night? With shades on?” Burnie asks. “Isn’t that a little unsafe?”

Joel answers by slipping them off as slowly as he could, with his brow raised and eyes looking him down. Burnie rolls his eyes and lets him do his own thing, knowing that it’s not even his car in the first place. Joel starts off smooth and slow as he eases through the traffic, Burnie trying to calm his nerves down on his seat.

“God _damn_ it’s cold out tonight,” Joel groans as he drives a little faster than normal speed when he reaches a nearly empty road. “And the annoying Christmas lights are everywhere, god. Capitalism at its finest, hurrah.”

“So,” Burnie says after a while of silence. His mind is reeling; this could mean a lot to his head even if it doesn’t, and he’s trying to get any ideas out of his head. “Why the sudden interest in my offer?”

“First of all, like I said, it’s fucking cold out and I haven’t had a drink since the dinner of ours,” Joel answers, and Burnie wonders how he could he express himself so freely with those expressions. The way his eyebrows are hunched and how he rolls his eyes are genius. “Second, Matt called me.”

 _Of course,_ Burnie thinks when he slumps into his seat.

“Oh, god, Matt was not kidding when he said you had self-esteem issues,” Joel is laughing despite his mood change, and Burnie thinks he’s trying to cheer him up. “How are you _still_ alive in this industry.” It isn’t a question; Joel is simply musing as he drove, peering into the street signs and trying to recall the place. “I have to admit, I wouldn’t have taken up your offer if he didn’t ask, but I would have said no if I wasn’t interested in the first place.”

“Why bother, then? You have your own shit to do,” Burnie asks, and he is surprised when Joel grins at him.

“Because it’s cold out, and I need to earn some bet money for this date.”

 

 

 

They settle into the bar when Ray is dealing with a particularly difficult customer who keeps on asking for his number. Joel calls him over so the bartender could get an excuse to leave the creep behind.

“Oh my god, thank you,” Ray groans when he walks into their area of the bar. “That man has been there for two hours and has only ordered one Sex in the Bahamas cocktail.” He smiles at Burnie and asks, ”What can I get for you, Sir?”

“We’ll probably do shots,” Burnie answers. “Tequila, maybe?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” is Joel’s only answer before the man at the end of the bar comes calling for Ray again, and Ray grimaces at the nickname “Rayray”.

His co-bartender is quick to take over the creep customer, but the man suddenly approaches Joel and Burnie’s seat and says, “Nice going, assholes. Wanting to keep cute little Rayray all to yourself.”

“You’re drunk, go home,” Joel tells the man, but he ignores him.

“Joel, it’s okay, I can deal with this,” Ray tells them, but Burnie stands up from his seat in that professional stance that makes him hard to not take seriously. “Sir—“

“Mister, you’re drunk. I suggest you go home before this man sues you of harassment, which he could do and could win, given enough witnesses,” He points to Joel, the co-bartender and himself. The man looks troubled now and tries to defend himself, but Burnie interjects. “If you want, we could pay for your bill, no worries, just…” He looks at Ray, who looks concerned.  “Please leave and not bother anyone in this establishment anymore. Don’t embarrass yourself.”

The man could only stare for a short while before leaving, swaying as he steps out. Burnie sits down and downs a shot in one go, squeezing lemon in his mouth and heaving a sigh.

“That was weirdly befitting, judging your whole persona,” Joel tells him, and Burnie only looks at him at the last second where he spots a fond smile. “You handled that well.”

“Thank you,” Ray says with a relieved smile, reaching out Burnie’s hand through the counter. Burnie shakes it with a laugh. “If Joel did that, he would be in a huge scandal again with a huge bar fight, and I’d be forced to leave this place.”

“Hey!” Joel frowns. Ray sticks his tongue out.

“You whine because it’s true,” Ray mumbles. “Thanks again, sir. Also, maybe you too, Joel. But fuck you too.”

When the bartender is attending to the other customers, Joel sighs. “So that’s Ray. I kid around that he’s cute and he is, that’s for sure. But I’m always here and it’s rarely this crowded, so we end up talking a lot and he’s become more or less a friend.” He passes another shot to Burnie and asks, “So what’s your story?”

 

 

 

With the preliminary beers he has had at the club and the tequila shots settling in nicely in his stomach, his story comes out naturally. There is a fear in his stomach that he’s trying to suppress, and he thinks it’s about being too eager to impress Joel more than anything.

His story starts simple.

“I met Matt in college and by then, we were keen on what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives, which is directing. As you can see, it didn’t go so well on my aspect, but he told me that I should try acting and it just… worked.

“I owe Matt everything. Sometimes I feel like he gives too much already when he doesn’t have to. He’s been nothing but supportive and I think it’s because he thinks he stole my dream. I wanted to direct, but it didn’t work out, and now I have acting, which I enjoy as much as I would have if I pursued directing, I think.

“You noticed how I never work on movies. I debuted on series. I like the dynamics in series: you’re just a big old family until this definite time where your show gets cancelled. Which, I pray, doesn’t happen to my series soon. God. It’s the complete contrast of movies: it’s fast-paced, it’s filming on a short amount of time, and the people you meet just come and go. I like family dynamics and I don’t see that in movies, so I stray away a lot from it. I’ve had offers, I declined every single one. I took this because of Matt.

 “I am mediocre at best so I’m trying to internalize more—“

“I said _your_ story, not your work,” Joel interrupts by bumping his shoulder on Burnie’s. “Or don’t tell me you’ve become one of those actors who turned into their job rather than who they really are?”

“I thought you meant—“

“Burnie, I could care less about your work. I have a lifetime to know about it. But you in a personal level? It’s like you said; we only film for three months, then half a year to promote. We’ve got a year, maximum. Then we part our separate ways and you become a distant memory to most of the cast,” Joel catches Ray’s attention for more shots, and the bartender is quick on filling their tray. “I’ve never done this before, you know.”

“Done what?”

“Drink with a co-actor.”

Burnie gapes at him. “You’re not serious.”

Joel looks sheepish but smiles anyway.

“Holy shit.”

“This isn’t, in any way, a bad thing, but I made a bet with Matt.” The shots keep on coming and Burnie is turning as red as he could go. What Joel says settles badly in his gut but he pushes through, knowing he’s overthinking again. Joel only watches him when he downs a shot, then continues to his confession. “Hollywood’s a mess, right?”

“Yes, yes, god _yes_.”

“Hollywood’s a mess and they make it seem like I’m a machine that is fuelled by one-night stands and scandals. They make it seem like I enjoy the unwanted attention. Matt tells me that you’re different,” Joel is leaning on his steady arm where his shot is held by his hand and he flashes the most beautiful smile and Burnie’s just gone. “I think I owe him dinner _and_ a 1960 Domaine de la Romanée-Conti.”

“Huh, that’s a good year.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to admit that I’m _that_ old, god.”

Burnie reaches out for the lemon in the bowl and sucks on it to get his mind around it. He peers up from sucking his lemon and when he whispers, “At least you didn’t bet your pretty pretty car,” Joel just laughs the hardest he has ever had in ten years.

 

 

 

They end up getting so drunk that they have to call Matt to drive them home, which they have fought over for twenty minutes.

(“You left your car in the valet! Just go back tomorrow and let’s grab a cab or something!”

“No, _no,_ they touched my car for too long and they’re never gonna lay their hands on my pretty pretty car ever again.”

“Oh my god, what are you gonna do? Take her to dinner, bring her home and have pretty pretty sex with her?”

“Listen, if you loved your car as much as I did, you’d _beg_ to have her babies.”

“What if we made Matt drive your car back to our homes?”

“ _Nobody_ touches my car!”

“I’m calling Matt, shut up.”)

When Matt arrives via cab, they’re sitting by the entrance of the hotel and having a heated argument over Joel’s best performance in his entire filmography, and Matt just laughs when the two make him choose between two completely different genres of movies.

 

 

 

And before Burnie sleeps he receives the final confession of the night via text message.

_I’m the biggest fan of your show. I still watch the reruns. Matt knows about it if you don’t believe me._

 

 

 

Publicity starts with individual guestings and radio shows. Burnie breezes through it with a smile and a knot in his stomach because he rarely has guestings, but he appreciates the movie’s publicist’s efforts on calming him down, when she herself is going through a nervous breakdown. Joel texts him every after interview and teases him relentlessly, especially when they mention Joel and he just gushes for a minute and the secret’s out that he has Heyman fever.

He shows up at Jimmy Fallon’s show and he’s nothing but inquisitive about the movie, and they talk about Matt for a long while.

“So I heard he was your roommate in college.”

“Oh, god, yes, Matt Hullum is one of my closest friends in and out of the industry and he has been there through thick and thin.”

“And he’s directing this movie, yes?”

“Yes, and I am so excited for you guys to see this. We start filming soon and we have been going through the details and sorting out schedules. _Reunion_ is in its off-season so we’re taking advantage of that, but we still have more stuff to do and we’re just thrilled to get started on this as soon as possible.”

“There have been rumors that Joel Heyman is gonna be in it?”

He turns to his publicist for a go signal and she nods. “My publicist says I have a green light for that, so yes, that’s official. He’s in it. Amazing actor, that guy is.”

“And to talk more about that, please welcome Joel Heyman!”

Burnie knows he looks genuinely surprised on camera because he is totally not faking any of the shock in his face, and Joel is walking in with his expensive-looking suit with that shit-eating grin of his and he thinks _this motherfucker didn’t mention a thing at all_. Joel takes the seat beside Burnie and Burnie is mouthing “you didn’t tell me, asshole” as if he is angry and Jimmy is laughing on his desk.

“Darling— sweetheart— baby,” Joel coos defensively, and Burnie breaks his faux anger and laughs while he talks. “Nobody told me I’ll be in it! I’m just as surprised as you are!”

“So you two know each other?” Jimmy asks after a while and the audience laughs, and Burnie settles into his seat to let Joel handle the next set of questions.

“Yeah, it’s a funny story. So Matt Hullum, our director, got us into this dinner thing with the rest of the cast? And he looks like a little puppy because it’s his first movie, right?” There is applause from the audience, and Joel mouths “right”. “I totally hated him right off the bat.”

 Burnie laughs with the audience.

“But we went out for drinks that one time and this guy orders Tequila like a boss and I’m like, well, I’m pretty sure we’ll get along just fine.” Joel is all smiles and talking so animatedly that it is hard not to notice him. Jimmy is so invested on his stories because of that charisma of his, no doubt, and he wonders if he has the same effect on people. “That night, we fought over my car, and we’ve been fighting over everything ever since.”

The audience goes into a chorus of aww’s and Joel makes a face of confusion while mouthing “what the fuck”. Burnie hits him on the arm.

“It is so rare for us to not see you in TMZ and in the club scene,” Jimmy says, and Joel nods at that, shrugging defensively. “What changed?”

“This movie demands time and energy, and I don’t want to half-ass anything. Matt is a great friend of mine and I’d love to make his masterpiece come to reality, so I’m trying to lay low for a while. Not just for him, but for the movie. My name has been thrown around a lot in terms of promiscuity and I would hate myself if the movie was hyped just because of that false idea, you know?”

The audience is silent and Burnie decides to add, “He’s a great guy and has been anything but amazing.”

“Coming from you, I’d believe it wholeheartedly,” Jimmy says, and Joel laughs.

“He has that aura, right? The whole “I’m the son of a pastor so trust me I will not lie to you” vibe,” Joel says to Jimmy, mostly, and he almost loses his shit when Burnie points at various cameras to check the live one, puts up the most apologetic face and says, “I mean, hi Dad? They found out, damnit.”

 

 

 

To hype the movie, they had the contract signing in public, followed by a press con. The publicist –Ashley, as she introduced herself – is responsible for the whole event and Matt has praised her throughout it, mainly because she looks so tense. Burnie gives her a bottled water before the event starts and tells her to calm down, and she looks so thankful that they hug for a second or two, Burnie patting her in the back.

After the signing and having their pictures taken, Ashley reminds the press that every reporter is limited to only two questions. The same format follows: name, publication or company, then the questions.

Burnie is calm throughout the questions, having managed to be given instructions by his fellow cast. _Don’t feed the alligators_ is what Joel only said, while Kathleen offers a bright _Just focus on the cast if you don’t want to answer or talk much about yourself._ Geoff says that he should _ignore the tone and focus on answering the question itself_ while Griffon provides a simple _Give us a look if you want us to interject_ and finally, Gus finishes with _don’t feed the alligators_ , because it is a good advice. Burnie thanks them for their help and Geoff keeps his arms around his shoulders and says _we’re buddies now_ and he thinks, yeah, they are.

The questions are light enough for him to get into at first, and some of them, he surprises himself by sounding actually very genuine. Most of the questions are related to how each of them prepared for the role, and Burnie answers diligently as much as he could.

“Well, Matt asked me to lay off caffeine and muscle up a bit, but in terms of preparation for the actual character, I had enough time to internalize. It’s hard for a character that resembles your personality, you know? You sort of debate how much of yourself you’re going to show in the camera and it turns into a shift between your character and who you really are. It’s heavy internalization.”

And Joel is looking at him with this weird expression, sort of like a mixture amazement and intimidation. Joel says, “You’ve honestly done all that already?” and he asks back, “Wait, haven’t you?” and Joel faces the media and gulps animatedly. Joel tells the media that he’s screwed, and the reporters laugh.

Joel turns to his other co-actors and say, “Be careful guys, he’s out for our jobs.”

But soon after, it becomes obvious that the reporters are bombarding questions in Burnie’s way, asking if he could even do it given his experience, or if his friendship with Matt is the reason why he got the part. He thinks that he should have expected it, with the way his mind trailed that way most of the time, but he doesn’t expect the blow on his ego. He tries answering most of it with a smile, but when they get a little too personal, his face falters.

“There are rumors that Matt was a fling back in your college days. Can you comment on that?”

“Well, if you were his roommate your whole college life, you’d probably not want to associate yourself that way with him. I mean, you should have seen our room.”

“Sources say that you _paid_ Matt Hullum to take you as an actor for this film—“

“Okay, wow, guys?” The attention goes straight to Joel and he grins. “You do know that this is a press-con for the whole cast. I mean, Burnie’s great and all, but if you could just stop sucking his dick for a solid second, don’t you think we deserve some lovin’, too?” Burnie looks at him with relief. “It’s because he has an Emmy, isn’t it?”

Some of the reporters laugh.

“For that reporter,” Gus is suddenly speaking without forcing him to, and the room is silenced. “TMZ, right? Wow, that’s low, even for you. But then again, who even believes the crap you make up with?”

The reporter is seen escorted by security out of the function and Kathleen takes the mic. “If anyone’s planning on asking stupid questions, I suggest you leave. This film is the greatest thing we have worked on so far in our careers and it’s such a waste to hear the same dumb questions over and over again.”

When the decent questions are coming out of the crowd again, Burnie turns to Joel with a thankful smile and Joel rests his arm on his shoulder and grins.

 

 

 

The first day of the shoot is comprised of mostly introductions and an acting workshop but they end up filming minor shots until the wee hours in the morning. Burnie is beyond exhausted and the lack of caffeine in his system is making it hard to keep his eyes open, but they are cooped up in Geoff’s trailer for secret coffee breaks and Burnie wonders if it’s all right.

“Oh, lighten up,” Griffon says with a pat in the back, placing a mug of joe in his hands. “The no-caffeine rule is impossible during filming, you know that!”

Burnie sits beside Kathleen who is dozing off against the window. Gus is fiddling with his phone while Geoff is trying to distract him out of it. By the time Burnie decides to listen, Joel is talking about that supposedly “affair” of his with Kara Eberle.

“There’s just no way she’s show his boyfriend out in public because you know how the paps are,” Joel is saying, and Griffon is nodding her head. “Grif—Griffon, you know how this goes, right? You know how hard it is to keep your relationship with Geoff a secret.”

“Oh god, I was so glad when we got married,” Griffon relates, and Burnie notices how she points at his cup. He decides to take a sip out of courtesy. “The paps out our house completely disappeared by the time we got home from our honeymoon—okay, wow, how long have you been on caffeine break?”

“Four months, and oh my god this is amazing,” Burnie says a little too happily. Griffon pries the mug from him and kisses his forehead instead. “Griffon—“

“Babe, believe me, a little is enough,” Griffon says, and Burnie pouts at her. “Oh my god, what are you? 10?”

“Lower,” Joel answers for him, and Burnie pouts at him too. He closes his eyes. “No, I didn’t put myself in a caffeine diet so fuck you; enjoy your coffee-less days yourself.”

“Join me, asshole; you’re a lead actor too.” He nudges him with his foot but Joel brings his feet up.

“Namecalling? Already? Oh babe, don’t you think we’re going too fast?” Joel asks, waggling his eyebrows. Griffon laughs at them, and the noise causes Kathleen to stir from her sleep and she screams, “Get married already and let me sleep, oh my _god_.”

 

 

 

A week into their shoot, Burnie realizes how it takes him too much time to get to various places with the location of his condo. Upon checking, it takes him an hour to reach the current location they’re shooting on, a solid thirty minutes to reach the gym for his workout regimen, and 45 minutes to reach the studio in the often cases where Matt would hold meetings for last-minute editing of the script. Upon buying the condo years ago, he settles on the prize rather than the accessibility of the actual location.

With their shoots reaching 18 hours per day, he wishes he could just clonk down on his bed in five to ten minutes flat.

On their day off, Joel sends out an invite via text to visit his new unit on this new condominium downtown. Burnie replies an “okay” since planning his days aren’t his thing, so instead of going to the gym, he could make that day his cheat day. Joel texts him the address and he drives straight to the area.

Upon parking his car, he calls Joel to ask which floor he’s in, and Joel takes a long time before answering, “Just go straight up,” and hanging up after.

Entering the penthouse isn’t at all what Burnie expects from that day because he has no house warming gift and his preliminary plan is to order pizza from Joel’s house so he won’t have to be seen, but seeing how fully furnished the place is and spotless clean, he couldn’t bring himself to even think about greasy food.

He also notices the distinct lack of… _people_.

“Hey, you made it. And what the fuck, you’re actually on time.”

It seems like he just stepped out of the shower with his hair damp and down, and without the extravagant clothing, Joel looks so normal. He is wearing a Longhorns hoodie and jeans, and when Burnie ponders over his clothing, he feels a tad too overdressed.

“Did you even invite other people?” Burnie asks when he shrugs his coat off. Joel takes it from his hands and he says a small thanks. “This penthouse is really big.”

“Yeah,” Joel only says when Burnie waits for him to talk about it, but he doesn’t. He simply puts the coat on a coat rack and goes straight to the couch. When Burnie sits beside him and stares longer, Joel caves in. “Stop looking at me like that, alright? Jesus Christ, it’s like you’re gonna eat me alive or something.” When his gaze doesn’t relent, Joel groans. “Oh my god _what do you want from me._ ”

“This part of the city is weirdly _and_ strategically close to our shooting locations,” Burnie says, and he notices the fresh flowers on the kitchen counter. “And it looks like somebody sent you roses already.” Joel looks as if he has been caught, and Burnie thinks, _bingo_. “The producers bought this for you, didn’t they?”

“You have no proof,” Joel grins, but Burnie walks over the counter and picks the card from the flowers. His grin fades into contemplation. “Fuck, I didn’t think this through. Give me five minutes to think about a convincing lie.”

“ _Enjoy your penthouse_ ,” Burnie reads out loud, then slams the card on the counter. He recalls the long drives and he scowls. “This is so fucking unfair. I live across the city and I didn’t get shit.”

“The condominium offered it half the price because it’s some sort of publicity thing for them, and the producers grabbed it for me. I’m literally squatting here until the movie production ends, and I’d be dumb to say no since I live across the city too, so, whatever,” Joel explains as he walks to the kitchen to grab beer. “Also, the people I invited said no. They had plans, apparently.”

Burnie sighs. “This is how miserable single people are here in California, apparently.” He looks around for food, then asks, “Pizza?”

“Sure. Beat me in a round of Halo and we decide who takes the bill.”

“Oh no, I insist, really,” Burnie says as he fumbles for his phone. “Housewarming pizza is better than housewarming gifts, anyway.”

 

 

 

When 9:58 rolls around, Burnie’s belly is filled with pizza and beer and he has already won most of the matches they had. He admits to feeling a little buzzed as he eyes the empty beer cans on the floor, and Joel rests his head on his lap as he stretches out his legs.

“It’s been, what? Two months?” Joel says to the ceiling and Burnie listens, a little too intently, because he knows Joel’s as buzzed as he is and there’s a chance to voice out the things he still couldn’t say. Burnie thinks they’re friends, at least. “It’s been two months and I feel like I’ve known you for years.” Burnie looks down his face when Joel closes his eyes. He seems awfully tired, Burnie notices. Tired and alone. “Matt was way off with his description, so I might have to ask for the wine back.”

He wants to ask how so but it is getting late and they’ll be needed on set at 5, so he needs to get back to his apartment. He doesn’t realize he has said it out loud until Joel says, “Sleep over then,” and to reiterate his point, Joel rolls to his side without moving from the couch. “You’re too kind for your own good. I don’t know if I want you to fail because you’re too good at what you do or I want to protect you from this shit.”

“You don’t have to,” Burnie tells him. “I can do just fine on my own.”

“You’ve told yourself that for a decade and look at you.”Joel sits back up and takes a swig from his can, but Burnie peels it from his hands carefully. “You’re alone and scared and you work yourself to death for the very fear of downtime that could make you think about what you’re so afraid of.”

“You’re no better,” Burnie tells him, and Joel laughs.

“At least I’m willing to admit that.”

Joel dips to reach the discarded remote on the floor and he shuts the TV off. He walks over to his Xbox to do the same when he says “Stay,” with a sense of finality, and Burnie couldn’t bring himself to argue.

He watches as Joel walks straight to his room; the door is left ajar and he could still see the boxes left for him to unpack. Joel comes back with a pillow and a blanket, and when he expects him to say something, he retires for the night.

 

 

 

He wakes up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and a soft sound of numbers and irritated groans. The room is dimly lighted by the television, volume set down to the lowest it could go. Joel is seated on a single seater, leaning close to the TV. Burnie isn’t sure why the guy’s scowling but he decides not to ask when he sits up on the couch.

It is 4:22 in the morning and he needs coffee so badly.

(Among other things, of course, like his toothbrush, a bath, an aspirin (or two), a greasy burger and maybe ten pancakes with a buttload of maple syrup, because a goddamned hangover isn’t what he needs right now.

But then again, they’re filming a scene where he’s badly beaten up so maybe he could work to that advantage.)

“Can you drive?” Burnie asks over the devastating stock market, and Joel just nods as he scowls at the television. “Hangover?”

“Nothing an Advil won’t fix.” He finishes his coffee and rests it on the sink. “Ready?”

“Have I mentioned how much I fucking hate you for this?”

 

 

 

As promised by the producers, they arrive in five minutes flat and Burnie goes straight to his trailer to take a fast bath and when he steps out of the bathroom, his phone is ringing on the makeup table. He answers it immediately.

“Hello?”

_“What are you wearing?”_

Burnie’s expression turns into a grin. “Gavin, isn’t it too early for phone sex?”

 _“You pleb, just answer the damn question! You didn’t go home yesterday, otherwise you would’ve picked up your telephone. Where have you been, anyway?”_ Burnie notices how awfully thick his accent is over the phone and he thinks the guy should have been under a lot of stress over the past twelve hours. _“My reputation as your stylist is at stake here!”_

“I was at a friend’s house,” Burnie says. “Bad day?”

 _“The absolute worst,”_ Gavin groans. Burnie remembers that Gavin has a styling job for an actress to attend the Busan International Film Festival, and has flown to South Korea for the weekend of the event. _“I just need a day off and I would fancy a damn coffee at one cute café here. Have you seen them? Top, that’s what they are. How do you even say ‘top’ in Korean?”_

“Stay for a few more days, I think I have my clothes down anyway,” Burnie assures him. “I left some of the pairs you did here in the trailer just in case too, so don’t worry about rushing here.”

_“Are you sure? I feel bad already for not being there on your shoots—“_

“Gav, shush, take your needed rest,” Burnie says. There is a knock on his door and he opens it to see Meg, his makeup artist, waving at him. He lets her in quickly. “Hey, I’m gonna go, okay? Gav. Hey. Calm down, okay? I’m saying this as a friend: stay for a few more days, have fun, call Dan and shag—what, of course I know about that. I know what Dan’s legs look like, idiot, stop posting pictures in Facebook then!” Meg asks him to sit down and he does. He notices the vial of fake blood and liquid latex and articulate brushes, and he shoots her a hopeful glance. “I’ve gotta go, okay? I’ll send pictures of what I plan to wear when I go out, I promise.”

Meg pumps a small bead of toner on the back of her hand with a pout and Burnie asks why. “Well, I wish I could go to South Korea too,” she says sadly when she dabs the toner all over his face, focusing under his eyes and eyelids. “They have amazing cosmetics there.”

Burnie ponders over it until he says, “I could ask my stylist to buy you stuff if you want?”

Her eyes widen when she asks if he is serious, and Burnie nods. She almost hugs him out of glee but composes herself halfway and showers him instead of a million thanks. She works on his fake wounds diligently and when Burnie sees the final product he almost gags at the sight of excessive fake blood. It is too good, and when Joel enters his trailer he turns white.

“God, when I said I wanted to protect you, I didn’t think you’d go looking for trouble.”

There’s a part of him that’s glad that Joel remembers at least that, and he wants to know what else he recalls; if he is serious about what he said. But he says nothing when they look at each other for a short while, almost forgetting that they have company.

Meg squeals in the middle of it and asks, “Oh my gosh, is that a line from the movie?”

 

 

 

After removing the prosthetics with Meg, he rushes to catch up with Joel who is walking to his car with a million and one things at hand. Burnie helps him with some and loads them in the trunk together.

“Hey, it’s still early,” Burnie says when they finish loading Joel’s stuff, and Joel looks up from his phone for a second. “Wanna hit the gym?”

“Is that a code for something? Like, drugs or whatnot?” Joel asks, and Burnie notices that smirk he always wears when he kids around. “Aren’t you tired? We’ve been here since five A.M., you lunatic.”

“We had three boxes of pizza yesterday; I have to burn that down.”

“But I’m tired,” Joel fake whines. “And pizza is not a sin, it’s the sinner.”

Burnie sighs. “Gyms are so fucking boring, and seeing you fall over a treadmill would make my gym experience so much better.”

“Is that a challenge I hear?”

Burnie shrugs, but he already knows how this ends.

“Are you— Is this an elaborate ruse to make me go to the gym with you right now or just an excuse to see me topless?”

“Speak for yourself. Besides, I bet you can’t lift to save your life,” Burnie smirks as he enters the passenger seat, and when he sees Joel slam the door to prove him wrong, he already wins.

 

 

 

He takes the parking elevator until he reaches the floor before the penthouse, because using the main elevator from the ground floor would be scandalous with his bulky bags in tow. When he reaches the penthouse, he throws his bags on the ground and lays down on it.

“What the—What the fuck, Burnie, are those _bags_?”

Joel sounds confused and looks amused, and when Burnie looks up, he is perched down and waiting for him to say something.

“Fuck you; I live across the city and you’re not paying a single dime in this so I’m squatting here.”

“What?”

“I’m squatting here,” Burnie repeats, and he thinks that the look in Joel’s face is priceless. “Hello, roomie.”

“Oh my god, we’re fucking married.”

 

 

 

It is easy to ignore Joel’s protests after a while when he finds out how much Joel needs company. The guy is uncharacteristically silent in his own house and Burnie ravels in that with glee, taking advantage by reading or keeping himself updated with social media. When Joel spots him on the couch, he still tells Burnie to leave, but he knows he doesn’t really want him to go.

Everything else falls into place then; how Burnie finds himself adapting so quickly around the house and the area in general. There is a gym a short walking distance away, close to a branch of overpriced juices. On his very few off days, he would spend it in the gym. After an elaborate workout routine with his personal trainer Monty, he gets a fruit shake on the go on his walk home and goes straight to the penthouse (a.k.a. temporary “home”), where Joel is probably watching reruns of _Reunion_ (which he hates, so he goes on a run when it airs).

A few weeks into the shoot, he gets a different off day from Joel and he strikes that as odd, but not enough to make him ask anyone about it. He goes on with his normal routine, and when he arrives home, he is tired and sore.

When he lays down on the couch, he realizes he hasn’t slept on a bed for a while now, so he walks to Joel’s room to occupy the unmade bed – at least until the guy arrives. It is 6:00 in the evening and he collapses on the bed with the duvet underneath his form, and he doesn’t want to move because the bed is so soft.

He kicks his shoes off along with his sweatpants, leaving on his boxers and wife beater shirt. He lays flat on the bed for a while, looking around the room to know more about the owner itself. He knows he shouldn’t have tried in the first place: Joel is a guarded chest and his lock’s key has been hidden from plain view for far too long.

 _Joel._ The very name plagues him sometimes, because how can one person turn his life around so easily?

His dick stirs in interest, and he blames it on the cold. Still, he feels hot in his stomach and he knows he can’t just sleep with his other head up and about, so he palms himself sleepily against his boxers. When he’s panting against the pillows, he breathes in and realizes that he is on Joel’s bed, breathing in Joel’s scent, and he is too far gone.

It smells a lot like Joel’s perfume and natural musk embedded on the sheets and he wishes he doesn’t find it so enticing but he does, with his hand doing all it could to relieve himself of some tension – and maybe something more. He wants to drown in Joel’s scent in more than ways than one, and, as fucked up and as conceited as it may sound, he wants to mark the sheets with his scent too, so that in time, maybe Joel could do the same things he’s doing, and maybe he could realize how much he drives him crazy.

He stops pumping his dick and thinks, _of course I’ll realize how much I want him while I’m jacking off on his bed_. _Of course_.

When he continues, everything’s different because his chest is warm and his stomach is in knots, and he wishes Joel could see how much he’s come undone with just the thought of him fucking him into the sheets, coaxing him to spread his legs wider and teasing him to moan _louder_ or else he’ll never let him come, and he does as he says, begs and ruts against his hand as he slicks his fingers with mouth and pries himself open with it, one, then two, then three, and he is moaning out Joel’s name again and again because he is in the verge of forgetting his own name as he writhes against his prostate, and when he comes on his stomach, he feels sated and satisfied and scared, because something is different now and he is not sure how to feel about it.

 

 

 

Life is terribly cliché, Joel thinks, when he watches Burnie come all over himself on his bed, and he couldn’t think of anything else but how much he wants to lick Burnie clean and swallow every drop of his cum until he’s dry.

 

 

 

Waking up with the realization that maybe he has feelings for Joel is awful.

There is dried cum on his stomach and hands and he feels gross now more than ever, because what kind of person would do this in another person’s bed? It doesn’t help that the bathroom is on the opposite side of the house and Joel is already home watching TV.

He runs to the bathroom, only saying a small “hi” to his flatmate before he slams the bathroom door behind him. His reflection makes him look even worse: bed hair, tinted cheeks, swollen lips. He doesn’t recall biting his lip on the course of his ministrations, but judging how the blood clotted on his lower lip, he thinks he might have gone too far.

He slides the shower door open and lets the mist fog the glass, heated water nearly scalding his skin, but not as hot as his insides feel.

He wants Joel. He wants Joel _bad_.

It doesn’t help that he just had the best orgasm in his life, and his dick wants another one. He feels depraved more than ever, how his cheek is pressed against the tile and how he runs his hand over his length, not wanting to speed things up. It is easier the second time around because he’s loose and eager.

Until the bathroom door opens and Joel’s asking if he could piss.

“Y-yeah, sure,” Burnie says, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with fucking himself with his fingers as he thinks of how easy it would be to just slide the shower door open and let Joel fuck him against the wall, but that just made him swallow down the whimper working out of him. He tries being silent, he really does, but he’s so fucking close and Joel’s only finishing up.

Before Joel leaves, however, he says, “Clean up after yourself, darling,” and he is lost into that low dip of his voice and he comes all over the tiled wall, his knees giving up on him when he does.

 

 

 

Joel doesn’t comment on it throughout the night, but the way he steals glances on Burnie’s way already speaks volumes.

And by the time he hears a grunt from the room with the door left ajar, Burnie knows he already won.

 

 

 

Ashley calls the both of them the following day to tell them the good news; they have a shoot and interview for GQ. When he calls Gav, he sounds beyond excited and promises to get his clothes ready by the end of the day. The day eases out breezily after that; the shoot is wrapped up hours earlier and Matt is thanking the extras for the great energy they presented on set. Geoff invites them over for steaks and beers, and before Burnie could refuse, Joel pulls him in the conversation and coaxes him to go. Naturally, he says yes.

(Burnie thinks it’s because of how Joel is rubbing a spot behind his ear, slow and weirdly sensual. He shoots Joel a look of confusion but he is answered with an all-knowing smirk, as if he’s saying, “I know everything.”

It amazes him how he’s not nervous over it, and rather, how he’s forming up plans to get his attention even more.)

They find themselves on Geoff’s backyard on the suburb areas of the city, sprawled on the ground over picnic cloths. There is a delicious smell wafting over the area and Burnie’s awfully excited to taste what Geoff has in store for them. The cooler beside him is filled with sub zero beers and he feels like he is in heaven.

Across him, Matt is telling a story about the time he was stopped by airport security because he has three knives in his bag, and Burnie shares his own stories about his brother whose existence revolved around making his life a living hell. He tells them about that time his brother told him that if he stares at the sun long enough, a spot will trail him to bountiful treasure. He smiles at how they laugh at the instances he shared, and by the time they had Geoff’s signature ribs, they’re already lying around on their bellies and moaning about how good Geoff’s cooking is.

When his eyes are drooping sleepily, Joel hoists him up with a yank and they bid their farewells. Geoff shoots Joel with a lazy smirk while Griffon pressed soft kisses on his neck. She whispers something that makes Geoff laugh, and Joel only says, “Fuck you Ramsey,” before pulling Burnie out of there.

Upon entering Joel’s car, Burnie asks what that is about, and Joel replies, “They—god, fuck, they found out about a secret of mine and they’re assholes who would use it against me.”

“What’s the secret?”

“Like you don’t know,” Joel says with a smirk, and Burnie thinks, _oh._

 

 

 

By the time they get back to the penthouse, Joel goes straight to his room while Burnie settles on the couch, his arms spread along the armrest. He barely keeps his eyes open when Joel waves goodbye. He mentions something about going out for a bit, and Burnie notices that he changed clothes and his perfume smelled stronger compared to earlier. As if on autopilot, and due to the fatigue catching up to him, he makes a beeline to Joel’s room and convinces himself that he’s there to sleep comfortably on an actual bed.

And he does. He falls asleep as soon as he breathes in that calming scent. He only wakes up with the faraway noises of the city, and he notices he’s half hard when he shifts his weight to the other side, and he groans at the sudden friction. He thinks it’s unsafe to do it again, but Joel’s perfume is stronger now and his dick is anything but helpful.

The tightness in his jeans is distracting but he tries not to think about it and just stare at the ceiling. The blinds are casting symmetrical shadows on the floor and he tries to count them one by one; an attempt to calm himself down. But his mind turns to the gutter when he remembers the noise he heard, a soft grunt, and maybe he’s thinking too much into it but a part of him wants to think that he made Joel lose control; that very same façade he wears every single day but he dares not comment on to the fear of shattering something else, something much more different than the mask he’s trying to remove.

If he clears his mind enough he could see it vividly; Joel leaving the door ajar on purpose because he knows his effect on Burnie; knows how keen he is lately due to the tension that he could cut with a knife, so thick and velvety and rich, and in that same room he rocks his hips against his fist, as slowly as he could, because maybe Joel is the type who goes down on people slowly, wanting to savor every grunt and moan and plead for him to go faster, because he is control and turning the wheels to where he wants it to go.

Joel would leave marks; he is possessive and cunning and he works to his advantage, the way he knows how much Burnie wants him. He would go slow, with his chest on Burnie’s back and his hands raking red lines on Burnie’s legs as he squeezes on his ass, and he could pretend that it would make the excess come ooze out and down his legs. Joel’s probably not the type who settles for _one_ round, anyway.

He falls into the same route, palming himself to hardness. When his jeans get too tight for his liking he zips it down and shucks it off, leaving him on nothing but his underwear and a loose inner shirt. He loses himself when he kneads on to his erection through his briefs, precum seeping on to the fabric. He wonders how Joel would tease him when he sees him like this, with that dark eyes and gorgeous, gorgeous smirk. He moans out loud.

“Joel,” He says when he bites on to his arm, wanting to be both loud and muffled. He is as embarrassed as he is lewd, and when he frees his cock from the confines of the fabric and elastic, he sucks wetly on his arm, desperate and wanting nothing but his lips and tongue and teeth – kissing and sucking and biting.

It is midnight and the spell is broken when Joel leans on the doorway, watching with a dark smile, his eyes travelling up and down, marvelling on Burnie’s most vulnerable state.

He couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed; the shame he should be feeling is forced deep down and all that’s left is his very want in its purest form.

He looks back with equal intensity and asks while stroking himself, “Why didn’t you join me earlier?”

“Well, you had your hands full.” Joel’s tone is pure sin and sex on a plate, and when his voice dips on levels he didn’t know existed, Burnie grows harder than he already is and he shudders.

But when Joel smiles at him with every intent to destroy his control, he knows his world is about to be changed and he finds himself not caring even if he aims to annihilate.

It takes two strides for Joel to reach him, the bed dipping on his weight, and Joel goes straight for his lips but Burnie stops him with a finger, shaking his head no. Instead, Joel sucks on that finger then on a pulse point on his neck, biting with his teeth and enjoying how Burnie asked and shuddered for more.

He reaches for Joel’s shirt, that ridiculous v-neck that he wears everytime, and yanks it up, and Joel takes it off in cue. That way he could know how every muscle feels, how it’s firm to the touch and how he could just run his fingers against the ribs, fanning gorgeously across his sides. It is so easy to bruise skin, he thinks, when he hoists himself up to suck on Joel’s collarbones, just above his Adam’s apple.

He feels like an animal, how he wants to mark Joel as his.

 

 

 

When he wakes up, Joel is thumbing on his hip and pressing himself closer, letting his lips run through his shoulder as he spooned him. Burnie could feel his stomach curling on its own when Joel presses a soft kiss behind his neck. There’s something affectionate with the way he does it, contrastingly gentle than how he growled against his ear last night, and Burnie wants nothing but to know how dirty that mouth could run. Not _this_ , this gentleness and soft and endearment shown in secrecy.

He stirs from his position and Joel holds him tighter.

“Good morning, princess,” Joel teases.

“Fuck you,” Burnie says but he’s surprise how rough it sounds. “We have a shoot in an hour.”

“Mmnn, but we’re comfortable,” Joel whines, licking his neck as he goes. He also strokes Burnie’s morning wood lazily and whispers, “And baby, you’re _hard_.”

“You don’t exactly make it difficult,” Burnie pants out, and an idea creeps on him. “Huh, I bet you can’t make me scream your name in an hour.”

Joel towers over him in one swift second and he asks, with his knee between his parted legs and his mouth tonguing over the salty taste of Burnie’s neck. “It’s fun because you know you’re gonna _lose_ , huh, Burns?”

“I’m not a sore loser,” Burnie says with a lazy grin, but when Joel says, “Not _yet_ ,” he knows he’s in deep shit.

 

 

 

The day is mostly awkward, starting with how he tries to make it seem like he’s not limping and wincing when he’s sitting down, Joel watching him from a distance and laughing. It continues to how he begs the production manager to let him get into his wardrobe himself, to the fear of seeing the numerous bruises on his chest and neck and thighs, and he figures, maybe he’s not the only one who’s into ownership. It doesn’t help that Joel is a fucking ass about it, all grins and smirks and laughs when their eyes meet, and somehow, he thinks of a way to get back to him.

Revenge is sweet, he says to himself when he finishes planning it on his head just in time before Matt says “Action!”

 

 

 

When he sits on the couch, he is tired from his workout routine and is drinking Gatorade, as much as others would tell him not to. Joel is nowhere to be found, having split ways after filming. Like this, he could think rationally and maybe get revenge out of his head for a straight second and focus on more important things, like what the fuck they are doing and how long are they planning on keeping it up. The television is on but down on its lowest volume, and all he could hear are laugh tracks from reruns of The Cosby Show.

His life does seem like a sitcom, as per late.

He thinks that he’ll move on when they have sex, but he knows it’s not gonna be a one-time thing, and he isn’t the type who does one night stands. _It means something,_ he thinks. _Regardless of how he feels about it, this means something to me._

He decides that he’s hungry and thinking on an empty stomach makes him cranky and emotional, so he orders lo mien, nido soup and spring rolls via delivery, and when his order is set on the coffee table, Joel arrives and leeches off his lo mien.

“Hey!”

“What? If it’s in front of me, I’ll eat it,” Joel says with his mouth full, and when he raises his brow, Burnie laughs. “Wait, wh—what? Oh. I didn’t— god, you’re just something, huh.” He leans back to his seat and asks, “Did you at least get a fortune cookie out of this?”

Burnie throws one on Joel’s way and opens his fortune. “Be at peace with yourself,” it reads, and he smiles at how befitting it is, given his inner turmoil.

Maybe he should just let it be for now?

When Joel sneaks up to grab a spring roll from his side of the table, he sighs and lets him.

 

 

 

One scene they are shooting included an old abandoned chapel with a candle room filled with lighted candles. The scene is supposed to show the shift of Burnie’s character’s trust on Joel’s character, having two different backgrounds and trust issues over everything. The criminal has started and has them playing around in his own hands, and the abandoned chapel is the perfect place to hold the shift.

Matt tells them that it is hard to find an abandoned chapel with a candle room in the proximity of Los Angeles. With Joel on make-up last, Burnie is able to look around the set for proper internalization. It is an important scene and it is crucial not to mess up, but when he enters the candle room without the cameras set up, he is able to see it on its natural beauty.

The walls are covered with tainted glass of the images of the holy beings, and he thinks that it’s frightening: to have them watch over them as they do the scene. The esperma candles are bright and hot in that small room and it is suffocating to be in there any further, so he steps out.

“Stuffy?”

His eyes go straight to Joel’s gaze and he frowns.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s too hot in there but it’s too beautiful to pass up,” Burnie sighs. “Symbolic, even.”

“Your makeup’s all smudged up,” Joel reaches for his cheek and rubs there. Hot as his body feels, he finds himself leaning into Joel’s cold hand. _Oh,_ he remembers. _The trailers are fully air conditioned._ “Maybe it’s better to not wear makeup in this one?”

“Yeah,” Burnie agrees, collecting himself slowly and drawing away from Joel’s touch. Joel walks off to the set and brings back a bottle of water for him, and Burnie presses it on his cheek to feel the cold. “It’s a little too hot today.”

Joel enters the candle room and blows off half of the candles inside. He peers out and asks, “Do you wanna run lines?”

 

 

 

“I can’t believe it. It’s like you said.”

How he paced around can be conceived as shy. Careful. His hand runs over the metal railings that show age and decay; it is rusting on the edges and the paint is peeling off easily. He refuses to meet his partner’s eyes out of shame: he instructed before that he should trust him, but he gave next to nothing when it comes to trust.

He has to remember that he’s acting; that the candle room is a setting for the characters to realize that it’s time to trust each other, finally. But the way Joel is looking at him can only send tremors down to his toes, and he has to brace himself by holding on to the railings.

There is a slip in Joel’s expression, however, when their eyes finally meet and he lets out a small fraction of shock and amazement in his expression – soon overridden by a stoic expression.

“Do you trust me?”

The question hangs heavy in the air and Burnie chuckles. “I should ask the same to you.”

“I do, as fucked up as that may seem,” Joel says before he sighs, his character falling into thought for the first time in that movie. “Does this prove anything at all?”

“I trust you,” Burnie says finally while removing the gun from his holster. He points it straight to Joel’s left chest. “But I warn you: any wrong move from you that suggest any form of betrayal, and I put a bullet through your chest.”

“Feisty, I like it,” Joel grins, and Burnie breaks character and laughs, Joel joining him after waggling his eyebrows. “Hey, we’re not even done yet!”

“Who’s the asshole who had to say it in _that_ tone?” Burnie says. “You didn’t do that on the reading!”

“Improvisation. Besides, I might tell Matt to change that line.”

“Hmm, why?”

“Just because.”

But Burnie notices his attempt to hide his blush and he steps in closer. “Careful Joel, we’re at work.” He grins in delight and watches Joel groan in discomfort. “Wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, right?”

“Fuck that, I want them to get the _worst_ idea.”

 

 

 

The photo shoot for GQ is mostly classy, with designer suits that Gav is able to find at the last minute. He grabs mostly Valentino in various colors and a McQueen for Joel. By then, the rest of the cast are being interviewed on various shows and by word of mouth, the movie is hyped.

The interview is hard with someone else in it, because they ask you questions and they expect you to have similar answers so the time is shorter. It’s also important to be mindful of what the other might say, because the interviewers will use everything you say against you, at some point.

They are seated on individual single seaters with the interviewer perched in front of them. He introduced himself as Michael Jones, and his curls are as thick as his Jersey accent. He looks like the type of person you do not want to anger, but there’s a certain air of kindness in his smiles. Maybe the freckles? He is young and he shakes their hands as a greeting and says, “Let’s get right to it.”

The first few questions are the typical questions they have for the movie: How is it, how is Matt as a director, what were their preparations? The interviewer let the tip of the iceberg details aside first before submerging into the deep stuff, like when he asks Joel, “Is all of it real? The scandals?”

“Let me tell you something,” Joel answers coolly, almost like he has known the interviewer for a long time and can read how his mind works. “If you have worked in this industry for as long as I did, it wouldn’t matter. You are famous and it gives money in your pockets. You get to eat three times a day and you aren’t indebted. You can buy your friends gifts. It’s all an assurance more than anything.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“I’m an actor. It shouldn’t bother me. There’s just so many people that will exploit any form of weakness you’ll show, and you can’t afford that in this kind of business.”

He turns to Burnie. “Why haven’t you been in other movies other than this?”

“It just seems right at the time, you know?” He sounds believable because it’s part truth, though not all. “First five years and I haven’t been getting offers and I haven’t been landing roles at all, so I just focused on series. By the time _Reunion_ got into the second season, the offers kept coming but I didn’t have the time since they shoot often on season. They couldn’t get off their time frames so I declined most.”

“What’s different with this movie?”

“First of all, it’s shooting on my off season, so I had no chance to decline. Joel, shut up. Second, the director’s one of my closest friends, and he talked me through the whole process. Not gonna lie, that man is a smooth talker since college. Got me into a lot of trouble, really.”

“Are you aware that there’s a whole fanbase for the bromance forming between the two of you online?”

Joel looks shocked and asks, “Is there really?”

Burnie gulps slightly and laughs with him, looks him in the eye and says, “Darling, we’ve been caught.”

“I told you, gym dates totally scream ‘dating’.”

 

 

 

“Does it bother you?” Burnie repeats in the dressing room as he removed his coat and loosened his tie. At the end of the room, Joel is done dressing up and is back on his black shirt and jeans ensemble. The question has stuck to him when the interviewer asked, and he realizes Joel never really answered it.

“It does,” Joel answers finally with a weak smile, and Burnie is careful to look around before pulling him in an embrace.

 

 

 

By the time he receives his complimentary copy of GQ, his Twitter notifications has exploded into a screaming mess of fans, and when he sees the interview and pictures, he realizes why people think so.

Apparently, the photographers have managed to take pictures of their stolen glances, some of which where Burnie is watching Joel as he answers, and vice versa. The video they have released isn’t any better, because he knows himself more than anyone, and he knows what his looks mean.

 

 

 

Even with the movie going on, he is required to go to his studio to meet up with the producers of _Reunion_ to discuss the next season. In the meeting, they pass around copies of the box set of the previous season. He looks at it in disdain and wonders what he’s going to do with it, knowing that he has been shelfing all the box sets given to him.

The congratulatory messages from the producers arrive in copious amounts, where handshakes and smiles are exchanged. Burnie doesn’t think much about it, knowing that they’re only happy because the movie will be pulling in viewers for _Reunion_ too. His attention to the actual meeting wanes through time, and when they finish, he breezes through the halls and drives back to his apartment to grab the rest of the box sets collecting dust on his bookshelf. He throws them in his duffel bag and collapses on his own bed for the first time in a month.

It doesn’t feel the same; he is used to the soft caress of Joel’s sheets and comforter and Joel himself, and he stops himself before he starts thinking of him again.

( _Too late_ , he thinks. _Always too late and for a reason._ )

 

 

 

“Are you _serious_ —“

“Well, it’s better than you watching fucking reruns at three in the morning here when I’m sleeping.”

“Here’s the thing. I’ve been telling you all this time; _the bed is not full_.”

“Full of bullshit, if you ask me.”

“Seriously though,” Joel says and Burnie finally looks away from the TV to look at him, a shy smile on his lips. “Thanks.” The box sets are in Joel’s hands and they look really nice, stacked neatly. When he moves to load the first season up, Burnie takes that as his cue to go jog, but Joel is pulling him down the couch. “Watch it with me.”

“Uh, no? Fuck that,” Burnie says with a scoff, so he yanks his hand back but Joel is gripping too tight, like he does when they—

“Come on, why are you so against watching this? It’s your show.”

“I’ve never,” Burnie says nervously when the title menu loads up, and Joel scrambles to press play, but he pulls the remote from his grip. They fight over it on the couch and somehow Joel lands on top of Burnie as he tries to pry it from his hands. “I’ve never seen myself act before!”

“What the fuck?”

“I never watch the series because I know how it goes and seeing myself act is so fucking annoying.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re great in this! You won an Emmy for crying out loud.”

“I just don’t, okay?” Burnie says with a huff, pushing Joel off him and Joel landing on the carpet. “I’m going to jog.”

But Joel’s holding on his wrist again and settling him on the couch. He plays the CD and straddles Burnie on the couch, covering Burnie’s view of the television. Burnie would have pushed him off again, but Joel is dangerously close, sitting on his lap and cupping his cheeks for him to focus his attention on Joel alone. It isn’t that hard; in that distance, he could smell beer from his breath and he thinks how easy it would be to snip that distance to nothing. Joel’s hands make their way to his hair and the back of his neck, and in one swift motion, he presses his lips on Burnie’s eager ones.

They never kiss. It is an unspoken rule; ever since he rejected Joel’s kiss the first time they did it, Joel has been respectful with his boundaries and settles on anything else, like his neck or his wrist. Burnie remembers rejecting it because he isn’t sure if it will happen again, and he would rather not be more confused than he already is. Kissing is too intimate, too _close_. Even though sex requires full body contact, kissing isn’t just lips touching each other clumsily. It is a complete surrender of everything he couldn’t act upon.

When Joel kisses him, it feels more like a betrayal. He realizes all of these are coming to an end, and with a few weeks left with filming, they shouldn’t have kissed at all. It feels like a betrayal but it is sweet on his tongue, soft on his lips and tight on his heart, and everything couldn’t get any better nor worse, because this is the moment he might have been waiting for all this time. The ultimate reveal, the truth.

He is in love and he has no time.

But Joel is drawing his lips away and he fights against the urge to pull him back to his lap, and when he opens his eyes, he is on frame, and he winces at his clean face and chubby body from five years ago. Joel is grinning at him as if he won, but when Burnie pins him down the couch to kiss him again, he kisses back as eagerly.

“Goddamnit,” Burnie curses bitterly when Joel lifts his shirt off, knowing where this will lead to. “Goddamnit, Heyman.”

 

 

 

For something that they know is coming, they do a good job of not talking about it.

In his mind, the anxiety is real and he has been noting the things he should bring back to his apartment. He has been packing his things secretly to make the goodbyes easy but he thinks it’s impossible to grab everything when he has shared most of them. His beer can never be his alone, because buying six packs would mean that half of that belongs to Joel. (Not that he is counting, anyway.) The lube, he’s probably leaving behind, because how moronic it may seem, it has a sentimental value to him. It is hard to find things he’s willing to leave behind, especially the person who really owns the house.

Burnie counts down the days in his head, and when there’s a day left of filming, he feels like crying.

It must have been pathetic, seeing him break down on the couch. This is why he never likes movies, never accepted any of the offers; he has trouble letting go of things that matter to him. Unfortunately, it’s not the same for his co-actors.

He watches his feed for any tweets from his co-actors. Kathleen is asked when their filming will end, and she answers, “Tomorrow! I’m gonna miss these guys :(“ Griffon replies to her tweet with a sad face, while Gus replies, “Boo hoo, good riddens to @GeoffLRamsey. No more stealing my cold beer!” and Geoff replies, “I’m gonna miss you too, Gus.”

He is laughing at first when he sees that, but when it sinks in that it’s their final shoot later, the tears fall and he forces himself to keep quiet. He breathes through the tears and the darkness, and when he closes his eyes, even more tears fall. He doesn’t hear the movement from Joel’s room when the door creaks open, and only notices Joel’s presence when he sits on the couch where Burnie is laying down.

They stay like that in silence, where Burnie’s attempt to shrug his tears as nothing comes out as naught when he breathes too hard. He’s breathing too hard and Joel is holding his hand in the dark and he doesn’t know what any of it _means_ , even when Joel pulls him up and in his room and makes him sit on the edge of the bed. He presses a soft kiss on Burnie’s forehead, down to his eyelids, to his cheeks, to his temples, to his nose and finally to his lips, where he takes his breath away, like the many times he has done it before.

It feels different, when Burnie gets pushed down the bed and gets showered with kisses. It doesn’t feel sexual at all, but instead, it screams _comfort_ , being fully clothed and Joel humming as he kissed, the vibration on his lips calming more than anything.

There are more tears shed but he never explains why, knowing that Joel understands even if he doesn’t say what has been bugging him.

As they kiss lazily, Burnie temporarily forgets the facts presented to him by time and wishes that it could stay that way for so much longer.

 

 

 

“And that’s a wrap, everyone!”

Underneath the cheering and smiles, Burnie’s heart breaks.

 

 

 

The party is held at a bar downtown. Matt has rented the place out for the whole crew to mingle for the last time, and everytime Burnie hears those words, he feels more miserable than he already does about the whole thing. Joel is distant then; mainly talking to the other cast members and extras, and Burnie thinks he should do the same. He wants to feel like it doesn’t affect him, mostly. If Joel could do it, so could he.

Except he ends up by the bar ordering his fifth martini and Joel has to pry it from his clammy hands to stop him from drinking. He feels drunk; his head feels heavy like lead and his stomach is burning. The food he ate for dinner is threatening to rise from his stomach, and he has to focus on not vomiting and not crying in front of everyone. He is fucking miserable and he hates it.

He blindingly reaches for the martini but Joel is holding it far away. He knows the look Joel is giving him, and when the man leans in to whisper, “Let’s go home,” he almost laughs at how pathetic that sounded in his lips.

Bitter, he is. That _home_ is never theirs to begin with, he wants to scream.

He composes himself to give a meaningful goodbye to at least Matt, who he pulls in a tight embrace and thanks with all his might, but there are tears forming in his eyes and Matt is apologizing.

“I’m sorry,” Matt says, and Burnie is confused. “I know how hard this is for you.”

“It’s not,” he lies, and he’s not sure to whom he’s lying to. “Matt, stop apologizing. Please.”

“I didn’t expect you’d fall,” Matt whispers to his ear before he gets yanked away by a producer to give a short speech before he leaves. Joel is waiting for him at the exit, watching his every move.

“I’m drunk, that’s true,” He starts, and everyone laughs. “But I will remember this as one of the most painful days of my life and I’m glad I was able to be a part of everyone’s lives, even in those short three months.” He stares at Joel then. “Here’s a toast for a job well done and may your future endeavours be fruitful!”

He remembers cheers all around and people shaking his hand, and by the time he reaches the exit, Joel is helping him stand on his feet as he calls for his car. When it arrives, Joel helps him in his seat and he manages to murmur a small “thanks” before he clonks out.

 

 

 

 He wakes up at 2:10 in the morning on Joel’s bed, where the other is nowhere to be found.

The hangover is setting in, but given that he has only slept for a few hours, he knows the worst is yet to come. Like an answered prayer, Joel enters the room with a glass of water and an aspirin, and he drinks them immediately. He lies on his stomach before Joel joins him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Hey,” He says with all the courage he could muster on short notice. “Could you do me a favour?”

“Anything,” Joel replies.

“Fuck me.”

He is met by silence, and when Joel doesn’t move, he pushes himself closer and insists, “It will be amazing, I promise; I’ll be tight and amazing and I’ll do as you say—“

“Burnie, don’t do this.”

“Joel, please—“

“Burnie—“

“Fuck me hard and deep, please—“ _so I won’t forget_

“Stop it—“

“Come on, I know you want to; you want me and you can’t say no—“

“Burnie!”

The anger in Joel’s voice is new to him, so he is silenced. Joel pulls himself away from him and opens the light on the bedside drawer, and when he sees Joel’s expression, he regrets everything: the movie, meeting him, meeting everyone, kissing him…

“If we do this, we do this my way,” Joel says, and Burnie nods. In the light, he could see the faint traces of hurt and sadness in his eyes. Joel has always been good at hiding his feelings, anyway. Burnie is just too attentive. “You do not _beg_ for me. It doesn’t work that way.”

“But—“

“I want you to remember everything,” Joel says. “Sober up.”

 

 

 

It starts off with a kiss.

He always liked it how Joel breathed in before kissing him, as if he needs more of it from the way he always takes his breath away. It isn’t in any way poetic, he just has a way with his lips and tongue and hands that make him forget about breathing. It makes him focus on the soft sensations and scents and what he couldn’t see, some of which he’s not sure if real.

His polo shirt is off before he knows it, and Joel is trailing kisses down his chest to his happy trail, where he takes off Burnie’s belt with ease. Undoing his belt is easy enough, and when he’s down on his knees leaning between Burnie’s spread legs, he could touch him through his underwear, and he could enjoy how his breath hitched. When his trousers are off, Burnie simply watches as Joel touches his knee and how he slides it to his inner thighs, squeezing there.

He licks through the fabric and Burnie curses how it feels; how it feels good but not good enough, and when Joel focuses on where a spot of precum tainted his underwear, he reaches for Joel’s hair and yanks.

Joel pulls his underwear off and it settles on one of Burnie’s ankles. He has never been ashamed before when he’s in full naked glory, especially with the amount of times they’ve done this. But Joel is sober and looking at him like _that_ (he wishes he doesn’t see it as love but he does; cursing how his heart is beating too hard and too fast and too _much_ ), and he cannot do anything but let himself be seen like a specimen in view; it is all too analytical and scientific.

Science is easy. With Physics, he could explain that this is the work of magnets, opposite poles attracted to each other as if their sole purpose is to be together. With Chemistry, he could say how much oxytocin has been secreted by his system throughout their relationship. With scientific observation, he could take note of every detail that makes this relationship work, and what could be resulted at every thrust and lick.

But he can never explain how two separate entities can want each other this much; opposite poles and gravitational pull aside.

Burnie is tight around Joel’s fingers, and he curses how much time Joel needs to prep him. He doesn’t need it, he claims, and how he clenches serves as proof. He has promised not to beg, but he doesn’t know how much time he has left before the sun is up, so he does.

“Please,” is all he says, but his voice breaks and there’s mist in his eyes. “Please,” he repeats, and braces himself for what is left for him to devour.

 

 

 

He wakes up after a short rest, and after cleaning himself up from the evidence of the hour before, he fixes what is left for him to pack. At six in the morning, he gives the penthouse one last look, and leaves with a heavy heart.

A week after, Joel gets into a controversy with a random model, and Burnie thinks, _maybe I was the only one who cared_.

 

 

 

He isn’t given time to think about it at all when he starts filming _Reunion_ again. By then, Ashley gives him a call saying that the publicity tour starts in two months, and he says that he isn’t sure if he could make it, given the filming schedule. He asks her to keep in touch with his producers, who are in charge of what happens during filming, basically.

Everything is going smoothly then; they are eight episodes ahead and he is given the month off for the publicity tour, most of which he keeps to himself. Matt makes scatters the cast for better audience reach, given that Burnie is only given a month to publicize his movie. He doesn’t get a chance to meet Joel, nor anyone else. He does, however, keep in touch with everyone else but Joel.

It seems like Joel is doing the same thing for him, anyway. So he ignores it; the lack of tweets, text messages and calls bombarding his phone.

But he receives a voice mail with two words, and he’s smiling for the first time in months.

 _I’m sorry_ , Joel says in between grunts. It is two minutes long and it ends with those two words, and a part of him wants to ignore it, but flesh is weak.

 

 

 

The premieres are scattered all over US and some cities in Europe and Asia. The movie producers fixed their flights on the same date and time. As usual, Burnie is waiting inside with his bag, having been able to arrive a little too early than he expected. Outside, he could see the rest of the cast walking animatedly with their bags in tow with a couple of paps following them, flashes blindingly bright. Burnie tries not to be excited, but when he hears the commotion over a man who’s lagging behind the group, his heart lurches from his chest.

When Joel sees him after all the checkpoints and baggage checking, he walks faster to him and pulls him in a hug. Friendly, it seems, but Burnie’s breathing in and patting Joel’s back reassuringly, as if it says that _I’m here_ , but the paps are ruining everything by taking so much pictures, so they rush to the boarding area, where they could talk in peace.

The “bromance” is back, one headline reads after a short five minutes of entering the boarding area, and Kathleen is responsible on feeding the fans when she takes more picture on the waiting area and on the plane, where they sit beside each other, Joel taking the window seat because he’s an asshole that wouldn’t stop whining about it. They talk about surface topics, just like they do in shoots, none of which are the things they really wish to talk about. But it is easier, Burnie thinks. It’s easier and Joel doesn’t seem to mind.

When he’s asleep, however, Joel manages to sneak and quick kiss on his knuckles without anyone seeing.

 

 

 

And as if it is turning on a switch, it all floods back into their normal routine.

The premieres have a huge turnout and he feels proud over the work they’ve done over the months. He has never seen the full film with cuts and effects, and the premiere in New York is a premiere for him too, seeing the movie for the first time in its full grits and glamour. He fights the urge to flee in the middle of it all, because he still hates his acting more than anything.

Joel holds his hand throughout anyway, so he couldn’t, even if he tries.

Watching it for the first time makes him realize that it is better than he gives himself credit for: Joel is as great as Burnie anticipated throughout and the rest of his co-actors blow him away in more ways than one. He is willing to admit that he is decent in the movie even though his self-esteem says otherwise, and he feels proud of it, as his first movie. He watches as if he doesn’t know how the story goes, what his lines are or how it all comes together.

It is a great film and when it ends, the cinema roars into a thunderous applause.

His applause is pointed at Matt, who is blown away by the feedback and has tears in his eyes. Burnie knows it’s because the film is Matt’s masterpiece; his best work yet.. He shares his sentiments to the audience and thanks every single one of them, because directing is his life and passion, and it is an honor to have been able to direct a movie of such calibre with such an amazing cast.

When the premiere ends, the actors exchange a few more feedback from the film but they end up saying nothing because it is how they imagined it would be and better. Burnie is dazed as they talk about it in hushed voices, and when they ask why, he says, “It’s just so surreal.”

 

 

 

The sex comes back easily, because they share hotel rooms throughout the premiere tour, and they miss proximity more than anything, even if it is left unsaid. So often, Burnie would find himself between Joel’s legs as the man sat on the edge of the bed with a bottle of Jack on hand. His mouth does wonders, Joel would say when he takes him whole in his mouth. He tastes precum and salt on his tongue and when Joel leans down to kiss him, he is awfully chipper for doing a great job.

Joel would thumb his cheeks as he bobs down his dick, saying that he’s born to suck cock and go down on him, that he looks so pretty with his cheeks hollowed as he sucked, that his wet mouth is made to be fucked until his throat is bruised and until his voice is raspy. He takes this in eagerly, because even with the carpet burn on his knees and his jaw tired, he still aims to please.

(At the back of his mind, he is allowed to think about how everything feels like déjà vu; how he fears for the end and walking out on him again, and he wishes there is a way to make him stay.)

 

 

 

The last stop for the premiere is back at Los Angeles, where the night falls into their last night together. Joel manages to take a hold of the penthouse for one last time, and after this night, there is nothing left for Burnie to hold on to, because they’ll be separating ways without any assurance of meeting again, unless they do something about… whatever it is they have right now.

The sex is slow and sensual and very much like the last time, and his heart aches so similarly that he’s almost convinced he’s reliving the same events for the second time. But the after sex dawns upon them and Burnie asks, “What the fuck are we doing?”

It is a good question, and Joel is facing him now, unsure what Burnie means.

“This. The whole fucking thing.  What the fuck is this? What the fuck are we? We didn’t talk when we parted ways after filming and now that we’re doing the tour we just picked it up like it was nothing but I’m sure this is bothering you.”

“It doesn’t, if it’s the same with you.”

“It does,” Burnie says, and he hates how pained he sounds. “I don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know who I am to you.”

“We’re fucking around.”

“And that’s it? After this, we never talk again? Like the last time? God, Joel, that’s fucking cruel, even for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Jesus Christ, I just thought—“ Burnie heaves and the bitter tears come running down his cheeks. “I’m in love with you, and I just hoped you’d feel the same, and maybe in this fucked up crazy notion we have, I thought I could pretend that you do. Fuck. _Fuck_.”

Joel says nothing, and Burnie closes his eyes. _He doesn’t love you_ , he tells himself.

“I’m never gonna see you again, aren’t I?”

“You’re not sure about that, Burns.” There is a playful tone in Joel’s voice, and that is the last thing Burnie wants to hear at that moment.

“You know what?” He is picking up his clothes, wearing them as he goes straight to grab his things. It feels like the last time, _the fucking déjà vu_ , and he hates it, hates everything. Hates Joel. (Loves Joel. _Loves_ Joel.) “You are a fucking prick and I hate you,” He lies, and it is thick in his mouth. “You made me love you, only to your advantage, and you’re a coward who’d never face his feelings head first. Fuck you Joel Heyman, _fuck you_.”

 

 

 

It’s the end of their relationship as Burnie knows it.

 

 

 

Except there’s a knock on his door at 1:05 in the morning and Burnie wants to disappear but he’s anything but an asshole in this very industry where his emotions just gets fucked over, so he walks to his door as slowly as he could and runs his hands through every piece of furniture he passes by and stops when he reaches his destination.

And when he opens the door he gets pushed inside and there is a slam from the door and there’s a pair of arms holding him together when he thinks he’s falling apart, because everything is supposed to be finished but there’s a chance to jumpstart it again with Joel kissing him everywhere. The confession comes out fast and he has to push Joel away to make him repeat it again, and Joel’s eyes are wide and bright and focused, and his smile is deadly and contagious.

“Explain,” He demands, his lips blown and pupils dilated and he thinks the air is too thick for the both of them to breathe in but he pushes through. “This is—“

“Shut up,” Joel tells him and he does. He takes two long strides and Burnie’s surprised that Joel’s kissing him again, his hands bracing Burnie’s cheeks and breathing in the air for him, only breaking apart when he confesses for the second time against his lips, saying, “Yes, _yes_ , I love you, I am so fucking in love with everything about you ever since I drank that first Tequila shot and I didn’t know what I was feeling until you asked me what we were and I thought you knew; I was mad at you for asking and not knowing so I let you walk out of the penthouse but I’m still in love with you and maybe this is everyone’s way of saying that they’re giving us another chance to make the same mistakes because a sequel is in production and I love you—“

It falls into place shortly after that; maybe Joel is afraid of keeping his hopes up and maybe he needed a push to all this. Maybe he is as afraid as Joel is and maybe he is mad because Joel calls it a mistake, so he pushes him off even though he’s saying the right things – the perfect things at the perfect time, for the first time in his whole lifetime – and Joel looks as confused as he is.

“You are going to kill me, Joel Heyman,” He says with a frown. There a million things to be said but there’s only one thing clear: he doesn’t need _any_ of this right now. “You can’t just fucking do this and get away with it.”

“Take me back,” Joel begs, and it breaks Burnie’s heart, because his voice is rough around the edges as if he’s trimming it into something he knows Burnie would like. “We’re old and we’re dumb and I’m so fucking in love with you.”

“I’m 41, Joel,” Burnie sighs. “It’s unhealthy and I don’t have the stamina to do this forever.”

“Love me, Burns,” Joel says when he links their foreheads together. “Love me ‘til you’re empty.”

 

 

 

In the middle of the season of _Reunion_ , Matt meets up with Burnie at the same café with Joel in tow, scripts in their hands, and Burnie sighs before taking his copy and flicking through the pages.

“Ready to do this again, assholes?” Matt asks with a grin, and Burnie only shares a quick glance on his lover’s way before answering with an eager nod.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> note a year after i posted this:
> 
> no one has mentioned a thing about it, but the times are really crucial. check your watches for the distance of the minute and hour hands, people. it means something.


End file.
